First need to say I am speaking on the behalf of my brother whose girlfriend is non-Desi (my SO is Indian).
My brother brought his gf over this Thanksgiving and spent the weekend with us. While my dad is very happy (bless him for being a chill Desi parent), my mom seems to have mixed emotions. In front of my brother's gf - let's call her S, she seems very happy and lovely towards her, however I noticed when S is not around, my mom tends to be condescending towards. On Friday, she was bashing my brother for having a non-Desi girlfriend, complained that a lack of a large Indian, specifically malayalee, community is the cause of this, and of course, blames my dad for not being strict and "teaching" the kids in who they "have to marry" and the culture properly, hence my brother and I fail as Indian children because we are not conservative and super traditional like she thinks all kids have to be (she has no idea this is 2018 and that non of t what she thinks is true). Funny thing is at times it seems like my mom warms up to her especially when S loves to help out (she helped make Thanksgiving dinner) and cook and is interested in Indian culture. However I can't tell if it's real or faking it. S knows that my mom is very hard to crack down and is also trying to do things that will please her and make her happy, and we talked about interracial relationships and so forth and how it's hard for some parents to accept and welcome this. I think for my mom, it may be a awhile and I'm not sure how if she'll fully come around, even though we do have some interracial relationships in my family.
My question is, for those who went through something like this, was there a something that made your parents/family be open to your non-Desi partner? How long did it take? Or if they never accepted the relationship, how did you learn to cope with it?
Hey guys! My first time posting here. I am an NRI malayalee girl. Recently, my father and I have been having a lot of spats. I wanted to get your take on some of these.
Firstly, I have started drinking. I don't often do it, only when I go to bars and clubs, and I enjoy the high it gives me. My parents found out (my sister follows me on instagram and she showed my insta story to them) and they blew a fuse. My mom kept crying and my dad kept raging. They were crying about how I am a cultureless alchoholic loser of low character. And I am fucking pissed. Firstly, I want to understand. How is the drinking culture in Kerala? Is girls drinking seen badly over there? Why are my parents so against it? And they are all fucking hypocrites. On one hand, they chose to raise me up in a country whose social norms differ from theirs, and they expect me to follow my so called ancestral cultural values when I don't identify with them at all? They claim to be oh so liberal, but they raged when my cousin had an intercaste marriage? And they expect me to have an arranged marriage (I already vehemently opposed, my mom has started her emotional blackmail of crying and bemoaning my cultureless behaviour and yall this is cray cos I am just 21). I see the guys my cousins have married and they are so dominating and I really can't deal with someone tell me how to live my life. Kerala settled malayalee men, I want to ask you seriously. What would you feel about a potential wife who will continue going out after marriage (moderately of course, things in excess are bad I know). What would you feel about potential wives who have had previous sexual partners? What do you feel about potential wives who have travelled alone to foreign countries and will continue to do so? And what do you feel about your wife having tattoos?
Please be honest! I want to know how legitimate my worries are. Thank you!
Edit: To everyone thiniking I am being a hypocrite by spending their money on things they don't approve of, I only go to clubs and drinks during days when which club entry and drinks are free for ladies. Besides, all the travelling I have done (non educational) has been funded by my part time job.
A shorter version (reduced by 97.0%) can be found on IndiaSpeaks
This is an extended summary, original article can be found here
Extended Summary: The CAT whisperer
It is a Sunday morning late in November, and thousands of school children have assembled at an indoor stadium in central Bengaluru.
Theres a huge platform 40 to 50 feet high at the centre of the stadium, with four large screens displaying the scribbles made by the presenter on his electronic pad to every last person in the audience.
Byju topped the national Maths Olympiad, he chose the science stream after Class X, studied engineering, went on to work for a UK-based shipping company, and so on.
Over 200,000 students took the test in 2015 and less than 2% were admitted to a premium B-school.
The story goes that Byju took the test at the insistence of his friends in 2003 and scored a 100 percentile, receiving calls from all six IIMs.
Byju repeated the same feat in 2005, making him the only person (according to the presenter) to receive offers from all six IIMs twice and rejecting them twice.
) Finally, Byju Raveendran, the founder of Think & Learn Pvt.
The essence of the talk is about speed, a key skill required in most of Indias competitive tests.
He illustrates this strategy by sketching out the solution on his pad to a particularly tricky math problem.
He has raised over $174 million (nearly Rs 1,200 crore) in four rounds of funding from top investors including the World Banks International Finance Corporation (IFC), Sequoia Capital, and the Chan Zuckerberg Initiative.
Byju, 36, with his larger-than-life personality and a long list of achievements, inspires confidence.
It stands to reason, then, that venture capitalists are pouring in millions of dollars into test prep and tuition startups.
The second class had 1,200.
He travelled incessantly across the country and abroad, taking intense courses for thousands of students.
I grew up in such a way that I can go to a bus stand and take a bus anytime.
Both of them taught at the Malayalam medium Azhikode High School in north Kerala, where Byju studied till class 8.
They would avoid taking classes for the sections that their children were enrolled in.
Over generous helpings of Calicut halwa and moderately sweet tea, they told me of their modest roots.
Byju is proud of his background.
Shobhanavalli says that Byju used to scribble cricket scores and names of all playing countries in a diary, which she has kept safely the English was all wrong but hed still write in the language.
I used to count everything that could be counted.
He was also good at games, cricket being his favourite, along with badminton and table tennis.
In the early days of coaching, Byju used to take classes for 12 hours on a trot from 8am to 8 pm; one batch after the other.
But his life continues to be a whirlwind.
He tackles the top five things on this priority list every day.
Time is precious for him.
Divya Gokulnath, his wife and co-founder of the company, is trying to get him ready for creche..
Divya, a biotech graduate from RV College in Bengaluru, was preparing for postgraduate courses in 2007 when she met Byju during one of his classes, and the two fell in love.
He convinced me to stay back.
It helps that Byjus parents are around but the duo tries to spend time with Nish.
Somewhere along the line, adults miss out on the curiosity, he says of adults.
Not when you are spoon-fed, he says.
The companys fund-raising has mostly been serendipitous.
Im optimistic about personalised learning and the difference it can make for students everywhere.
Zuckerberg, Facebook co-founder and listed among the worlds 10 richest people, hadnt invested in a company in India directly till then.
He was going to invest in Byjus and had dropped a message to Mark, and this catalysed the deal, the source said.
This was never really a financial interest.
Times Internet, Sequoia Capital, Sofina and Lightspeed Ventures were co-investors in the $50 million round announced in September 2016.
It was not just for the money.
G V Ravishankar and other partners at Sequoia India met Byju in a small meeting room at their Mumbai office before the investment.
They had figured out a delivery model that was highly effective and scalable at the same time, adds Ravishankar.
Few of them have some scale Resonance, Bansals, Time, Brilliant Tutorials, for instance in some cities.
But offline coaching classes are mostly restricted to a city or region because most of them dont use technology to scale beyond their local areas.
In the business of coaching classes, most players are looking to rope in students as young as possible.
The companys learning app, made by an in-house team, has a colourful interface and slick design.
You are first shown a bunch of free stuff, including videos on various topics, and asked to take the free tests..
Then there are paid subscriptions an online personal teacher, a series of practice sessions, and a test preparation module starting at Rs 10,000 going all the way up to Rs 45,000.
Math for classes 4 and 5 are taught through another gamified app.
For class 10 students, the company starts pitching Joint Entrance Examination (JEE) tests for admission into IITs, National Eligibility/Entrance Tests for graduate medical courses for Rs 19,999, and personal training modules for Rs 1,499 for 45-minute sessions.
For Rs 30,000 you could buy CAT classes preloaded onto a Samsung tablet.
I thinks its helpful.
Another student, Anu Verghese, told me that the study material was good but she didnt find the mentorship service very responsive.
But it is popular it has over 7.
5 lakh students paying annual subscriptions.
And the potential is huge.
According to RedSeer Consulting, the countrys online supplemental education market is valued close to $2.
In many ways, it is a perfect storm of sorts for newer companies to take over the business of education.
The Byju learning experience is personalised, depending on the amount of time a student spends on an app.
Some students have lower attention span.
The app has the largest user base among competitors and engages students for nearly 40 minutes during each session.
More data will ensure we become more and more personalised, Byju says of the future.
20 AM: Its about 18 degrees C in Bengaluru, and a cool breeze is sweeping across the ground.
A few more employees, mostly in their 20s, trickle into the ground.
For about five minutes, we talk about the media, the Malayalees love for football, and the crazy routine at Byjus.
The gameplay is fast and spirited, passes are mostly accurate signs of a team that plays often.
Two hours later, the watchman signals that its time to shut the place down.
As if hed read my mind, Byju tells me that hes been a bit slow after many sports injuries.
His investors have warned him not to play football.
But instead of gaining weight, he worked out harder and lost three kgs.
A big question management gurus like to ask is: will this company, built around the founders persona, last a 100 years? In the world of venture capital, this isnt a question that comes up often.
Byju, however, thinks that its a longer game.
Nowadays I dont take classes.
They get what Ive taught over the years and are able to carry it forward, he says.
Numbers will come when you do things for fun, he says.
In the last year, Byjus has scaled from 300 employees to 1,000 people.
5 cr in the previous year.
Byjus is not exactly looking to do everything in-house.
The startup, founded by two entrepreneurs Priya Mohan and Navin Balan, has a testing and assessment platform with over 200,000 student profiles and ratings of over 3,000 schools.
Other startups, however, are also targeting this market.
Byjus learning methods are different and he manages to bring this to his customers.
Test prep and tuition startups, including Byjus, dont attempt to address these larger questions right now.
I would love to see how that translates into any evidence of actual productivity increasing, says Mekin Maheshwari, who was an early team member at Flipkart and has hired hundreds of engineers.
Maheshwari says meaningful personalisation and the ability to play to peoples strengths are the next steps for Byjus or any ed:tech startup.
Byju, however, says that he wants to make children fall in love with learning hence the focus on early classes.
Their wards are late for their usual Sunday routines of tuitions and coaching classes all to prime their kids for competitive tests.
Even better, he know he has customer stickiness: nine out of ten students who enrol for a paid Byjus session or on the app come back and buy the following years study material.
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(not sure who would be able to see this) - definitely need some tips on how to respectfully score it up with a Hindu girl and family... it's seriously been a daunting task coming from an Indian Christian background.
I'm a South Indian (Kerala- Malayalee) guy, studying as a medical doctor to be (last year med school), born in the States and has family roots (by birth) to Christianity- I obviously didn't have a choice, and that's been my entire blood line... that is, up until now (hopefully)? I'm not an actively practicing, hardcore (best put) Christian - more of Spiritual and Pluralistic views.
I've never been married/no kids, in my early 30s and have been considering to get married within the next year or two... yes, I KNOW- but I'm a bit of an old-school/traditional/non-serial dating kinda guy and DO realize what I would be getting into regarding marriage - it's something that I inevitably do wish and want. Ideally, I'm looking for an Indian (or Bengali) woman who was also raised here in the States; preferably with family here too - now, apart from regular dating, the traditional word-of-mouth family proposals and newspaper ads...
there is a fairly popular matrimonial/marriage online-site: Shaadi
- (comprised mainly of Hindus, Christians, Muslims, etc of Asian/Middle-Eastern Descent) which I am a paid member of. It's not like your "typical online dating site" and generally speaking, people on there; albeit with different reasons, use it as a medium to initiate some conversational introductions and go from there... either directly by speaking to the parents/family of the girl or the girl who may of directly/individually (own will) created their profile. The process from how it goes from there is highly subjective and atypical. An example scenario (not too different from online dating sites): you send/receive interests > accept or decline > message > email > phone > meet > etc.
I've had many friends (both Christian/Hindu) and cousins who have used this service successfully over many years - but I don't see too many "interfaith", as loosely put - really work (at least not in the majority).
Most of the Christians or Hindus as an example on the site (and in general, outside in real-life) usually look for their own religious/cultural background - for myself, that's a little different.
Apart from my parents giving me some marriage proposals here and there, I've spent most my years in the past and present... considering girls that were of a same "faith/background" - it hasn't been working THAT great...
most of the Christian Indian girls, despite being raised in the States, really don't like my openness and pluralistic views - and I have better luck with talking and associating with girls who are actually Caucasian or surprisingly Hindu (friends/classmates); either from the North or South regions of India - they're all in the States, most of them born here like myself... and similarly, most of our parents came to the States in the 70's and early 80s.
I'm more appreciative and accommodating to other religions as a whole; perhaps more Spiritual/neutral, whereas my folks (and cousins/relatives) are fairly religious (Christian) in their ways and beliefs - which is okay... I had no intentions on challenging or changing them in that regards, and overall - that's fine and cool.
I've always liked our [Indian] cultural aspects and ways in general... and actually can acknowledge and accept a lot (if not all) of the Hindu teachings and practices - My past studies (in Ayurveda, Yoga & Meditation) and associations with many Hindu friends over the years... further augmented my openness and ability to personally accept the Hindu culture and people. I can appreciate the Bhagavad Gita and Upanishad texts. I do enjoy additionally learning from other religions, and in fact - also respect and give ear to Atheists and Agnostics too :) Just like Gandhi over time I suppose Haha... Now, the biggest hurdle
I have faced is actually trying to figure out how to smoothly go by perusing my interests towards Hindu women (and families) - most of the time,
they will initially see your religious background and without a split-second further of processing the notion of whether the person might be a good match or not to consider... consider it a random desperation or mistake, fluff you off... and voila - you're instantly rejected or declined. Obviously I can't force it otherwise if they don't want that - and it wouldn't be fair... that's not my style.
I really can't change my religious association on the site, because it's based more on family background above anything - and it would be somewhat of a misleading sham, if I changed it to the other remaining options as : Spiritual-Not Religious/No Religion/Other. It's a bit tricky to say the least of how your background on such a site as that works. I still can admire my upbringing as a Christian, but I don't see it as the ONLY way. I value the principle teachings more than anything and feel that ALL religions (or beliefs), regardless of origin - share the similar commonalities of value and morale.
From both within my partner preferences (where you can set your criteria
) and profile - I've mentioned this... I don't mind meeting persons of any background/upbringing/denomination - and that I'd be totally willing to actually uphold and honor their practices... I'm candidly open to speaking to either the girl themselves or the family - If they gave
me the chance that is haha :)
I do try looking for women who also have no preference of their partners - but these are very
limited; as most by default, put their own religion
as the choice. I can search for those who don't filter another person's religion - but half the time, I don't think they realize that was an option in the first place. At least from my side of the family; including my cousins and relatives
(who are all herein the States) - really just want a nice, simple girl from an easygoing family. Who doesn't? Sure they may prefer someone who's of the same background, but they know it's not an absolute requirement, and we have discussed
this multiple times, and everyone [my family] is okay
with it. I'm not too picky on their job (educational background), previous marital status, cultural upbringing or geographical location - apart from obviously being able to get along with her (views, some shared interests) and being at least brought up in the States for the most part. I've tried abroad (e.g. Canada, United Kingdom, India, United Arab Emirates) just for the sake of trying - but, there are slight nuances of East/West conversational offsets and rapport- e.g. how we express/communicate - the little subtleties. I understand the biggest concerns and fears from most Hindu (and Christian) families
- Would they be converted to my background: NO!
- Dowry or Prenuptial : NO! Haha :)
- What kind of Wedding?: Either or - no preference - I've had friends who did both ceremonies, a combo of the two... something small/private w/ a celebratory event perhaps afterwards
- How would we raise our kids?: core principles and values don't change by much - I don't mind my spouse having items relative to their Hindu faith around the house and would happily try and participate; if allowable by them.
- I'd still be supportive of her background and upbringing and would NOT want to change that - for myself, I'm not entirely expecting so much towards mine as I'm not that religious - However, I still don't mind attending (and hope to) our family events and find that just a communal gathering and bond of just being together... really makes it worthwhile.
- I'm all about family loyalty - I'd like to still participate in their [hers] family traditions and practices, maintain frequent communication (as I genuinely like and intend to) with their family and siblings - and would appreciate the fact if at least the girl and her immediate family, reciprocate and communicate with my folks on occasion - it would be nice!
- I can imagine that not everyone in their family would be cool with this idea, and I have to accept this - and will love them no matter what with respect and courtesy
- I've talked to all my cousins about the idea, and they are totally cool and supportive of my suggested thoughts.
Sites like okcupid/eharmony/match do have some Hindu (and Christian) women
- but they're usually
looking for people who are exactly the opposite of their own race
There are lots of awesome Hindu girls out there which I admire and have come across - that actually share similar interests and outlooks - just getting over the first hurdle
of background is the thing- Gosh, this cultural difference is such a strange sticking point, and there's so much more to enjoying our lives and futures - I realize it is important, but it isn't everything
I had imagined and hoped to revolve the rest of my life around :)
From my experience and self-witness, it seems that Caucasians have it easier to be welcomed into a Hindu Family than Christian Indian ones - Props to y'all! :)
So apart from still being in school at my age - a major turn off for any Indian family and a lot of Indian girls in general - I'd definitely appreciate any tips or thoughts on how I can realign my mindset and approach to still trying such options and desires. Aside from my limited chances in general - what other major concerns have I failed to recognize and miss?
Hopefully I made some sense through my previous thoughts and relevant details - I'll keep trying my luck, but THANKS a million reddit :D TL;DR:
American born Indian guy w/ Christian background (by birth) having a tough time w/ openly exploring options (outside his own upbringing) leading to a potentially long-term relationship + marriage; with Hindu Girls also brought up in the States via a legitimate online marriage/dating site for this very same intent.